Sharing food with family when you’re trying to lose weight. 

What grinds my gears the most 

Someone actually said this to me:

“I’m not going to make my kids eat healthy because I don’t want to punish them if I’m on a diet.”

It took me a minute to process what I had just heard & I wanted to be mindful in my response. I know that when I see people for weight loss, that space has to be free of judgment. I also understand that I’m not there to assess parenting skills but…. this gets me every time. Being healthy should not equate to punishment- if that’s how you’re thinking of it, there’s more internal work that needs to be done on your relationship with food & yourself. 

It’s not the first time someone has said something like this to me. 

I also get these kinds of statements: 

”I get them McDonald’s & I just don’t get anything.”

”I cook two separate meals, one for me and one for my kids.”

“I’m not going to make my kids eat the vegetables I eat, because they are kids.” 

If I could shout it from the mountain top I would: If it’s not healthy for you, then it’s not healthy for your kids. Now, I will humbly admit that my perspective has changed (a little) since becoming a mom. Before entering motherhood, I’d internally roll my eyes when someone mentioned having “kid food” in their home. I didn’t understand how adult food & kid food were different but I get it now. Kids like to snack & as a parent, you’re trying to juggle one million things so you need snacks that are easy & convenient. But hear me out- those easy, convenient snacks don’t have to be unhealthy. 

We learn how to eat from our family

Part of my initial assessment with people who are trying to lose weight is asking them what childhood meals were like. Did someone in your house cook for you? What did those meals consist of? Did you have access to food? Was it mostly prepared in the house or did you eat out a lot? Were there any family food rules (you had to clean your plate, you couldn’t ask for seconds, were there restrictions on snacking outside of meal times)? 

We learn what a meal is from our family. And not just what constitutes a meal but the behaviors associated with it- for instance, eating at the table versus eating on the couch, having conversations during meal time or everyone doing their own thing, having a designated eating schedule or eating whenever you wanted to. All these things get so ingrained in us. It sets the stage for future eating habits. Then, what can happen if you decide to merge your life with someone else’s, is that they bring all their family eating history with them and you may or may not be accustomed to the same thing. 

If there is a spouse, or significant other, or additional adult role model in the home, it’s so important to ask for support from that person so that you both can model the same eating behaviors for the little people in your house. Otherwise, meal times can become a source of tension. The tension makes people want to skip the meal altogether or choose something quick, easy (& probably less healthy) in an effort to just get it over with. It doesn’t have to be this way. 

Include your kids

Your kids will learn more from watching you eat (or not eat) than they will by what you tell them to eat. I always encourage people who are trying to lose weight to make it a household thing. Meaning, that there should be household changes made- not I’m going to do this & everyone else is going to do that. This setup is only going to work for so long before it becomes isolating. Think, very specifically, how you need to be supported by your family on your weightloss journey and come up with a game plan for how to continue sharing meals as a family. 

The focus in the home should be on health. Not on weight. No one can argue with wanting to be healthier and that’s something everyone can benefit from, regardless of their age or current weight. Get your kids involved in age-appropriate ways. Have them help decide what you’re going to eat, prepping the food, setting the table, or cleaning up after a meal. All of these behaviors help form an appreciation for food. 

Most people tell me they want to lose weight because they have little people in their lives, whether that be their own kids, grandkids, nieces or nephews, being able to keep up with those little people, be active with them, and be around to watch them grow up- this is the biggest motivator for a lot of people who are ready to make a change. Set yourself up for success by practicing healthy habits at home with your family.